Death by Gremlin

I almost died this week.

It was one of those moments when my heart palpitated inside my chest, my ass cheeks clenched, and I held on for dear life as the eldest gremlin yanked on the steering wheel and the car began skittering across the asphalt. Gravel crunched beneath the tires, and I managed not to yell any obscenities as my life flashed before my eyes.

As he got control of the vehicle, I could only stare at him with a bewildered look on my face. And as I tried to gather my scrambled thoughts, thoughts that were scrambled due to my brain being jostled around inside my skull, the gremlin looked at me and he started giggling like a hyena.

“What? Were you scared, bro?” he asked, in-between laughter.

My genius response… “Why didn’t you go straight?”

In my mind, there was a gravel road that went straight, which was what he should have taken since he was going too fast to turn safely.

With a smile plastered across his face, he said, “I had control. We’re fine.”

He was fine. I was not fine. Muscles I’d forgotten I had were already screaming at me. I’m not twenty years old, y’all. I’m almost forty. Forty-year-old muscles are not as resilient as twenty-year-old muscles. When one is strained, kiss the next month or two goodbye.

“We’re not fine,” I said as I released my death grip from the ‘oh shit’ bar. “We almost died. If you don’t know the road, slow down.”

And do you know what this fool’s response was? Take a wild guess…

“I do know the road.”

me: 😑

If I make it out alive, I’m gonna need an extended vacation after I finish raising these gremlins.

Tiff

Leave a Reply

Powered by WordPress.com.

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: